A character in BBC One drama, Sherlock, Dr John Watson writes about The Sign of Three.

11 August

The Sign of Three

Wow!!!!!!!!! What a day!!!!!! That was the best wedding ever!!!!!! Sherlock was amazing! Love is amazing! Fluffy clouds and little birds are amazing!!! It was all just like so amazing! I'm going to write up all about it here! Because you all love reading my blog because I'm such a good writer!!! Perhaps I'll write about some of the other mundane stuff I do like playing board games or eating sandwiches and drinking tea in front of the Eastenders!

Sorry. I can't do it any more. I was going to attempt to mimic John's style of writing for an entire blog post but life's too short. And I say that as someone who died over two years ago. Good evening everyone, this is Sherlock Holmes. John can't be with you today as he is on his Sex Holiday. Sorry, honeymoon.

Apparently we aren't allowed to call it Sex Holiday. Apparently we really shouldn't tell children that John and his wife have gone on Sex Holiday. They've chosen to go somewhere hot and sunny with beaches and cocktails or something. To be honest, he talks about things and I phase out. She's the same. They're both perfectly acceptable friends in their own way but then they start talking and I wish I really had died. I am, however, quite happy that they have found each other and that they make each other happy. That's nice, isn't it. And it is very nice to have the place to myself without their meaningless chatter distracting me from more important things.

Anyway. I decided that I'd share with you a video of the wedding. It's a video of the photos of the wedding. Sadly there are no photos of the attempted murder. If there are any attempted murders at John's next wedding, I promise to take photos.

Good evening.

Sherlock Holmes

Consulting Detective and Best Man

43 comments

this post is somewhat of a curates egg as while the prose is better i do not come here to read about weddings

theimprobableone 11 August

Looks like it was a brilliant day! Congratulations and sorry again I couldn't make it!

Mike Stamford 11 August

sorry john :(

Harry Watson 11 August

STOP POSTING ON MY BLOG! AND THERE WON'T BE ANOTHER WEDDING!

John Watson 11 August

Does your wife know you're on the Internet when you're supposed to be enjoying your Sex Holiday with her?

Sherlock Holmes 11 August

Yes. Yes, she does.

Mary Morstan 11 August

LOLZZ!

Dame Latif 11 August

Awh!! Lovely!!

Donna Staveley 11 August

Mary. I've been doing some research and you need to avoid seafood.

Sherlock Holmes 11 August

SHERLOCK! SHUT UP NOW!

Mary Morstan 11 August

I've just had a text from John. I'll shut up now.

Sherlock Holmes 11 August

Seafood eh!?

Jacob Sowersby 11 August

Why do you all comment on this? Some of you don't even know John.

Sherlock Holmes 11 August

We're just happy for him!

Jacob Sowersby 11 August

But haven't you got better things to be doing? You're spending all your time on the Internet.

Sherlock Holmes 11 August

Is this why most of you are single?

Sherlock Holmes 11 August

Sherlock. You're being rude again.

John Watson 12 August

John. You are reading your blog again.

Mary Morstan 12 August

Sorry:)

John Watson 12 August

I just don't understand why you're all here. Go outside and find something to do.

Sherlock Holmes 12 August

Pot. Kettle. Black.

Mike Stamford 12 August

HAHAHAAHA!!! MIKE WINS THE INTERNET!!!

Dame Latif 12 August

I don't understand the reference.

Sherlock Holmes 12 August

He's asking why you're here.

Bill Murray 12 August

Aren't you an actor?

Sherlock Holmes 12 August

Not that Bill Murray.

Bill Murray 12 August

DARLING!!!!!!! The photos look amazing and your wife looks amazing!! Big hugs to you both!!! Sorry again we couldn't be there but Ted's leg was doing that thing again and we just couldn't make it and I wish we had because it looks like such a wonderful beautiful heart-breaking celebration of absolute love!! Big hugs to you both!! Big squishy hugs!!!! Xxxxxxxxxxxx

Stella and Ted 12 August

You couldn't make this up.

Sherlock Holmes 12 August

Did nobody notice the attempted murder I mentioned? What's wrong with you all?

Sherlock Holmes 13 August

Par for the course, mate.

Mike Stamford 13 August

You use the word 'mate' a lot, Mike. It's a sign that you're overcompensating for your very middle-aged, middle-class existence. You want the world to see you as young and cool.

Sherlock Holmes 13 August

Who else wants to be deconstructed?

Sherlock Holmes 13 August

do me

theimprobableone 13 August

LOL!! theimprobableone wants Sherlock to do him.

Jacob Sowersby 13 August

You are all utterly ridiculous. And still none of you have asked about the attempted murder. John has catalogued two cases on this blog that we have since discovered tied into what happened today. The Bloody Guardsman featured a brilliant attempted murder. In the case of The Mayfly Man, I deduced the how but not the why. During the wedding I discovered the answer to both. Bainbridge had been stabbed by a tiny blade through his belt. The belt bound the flesh together when it was tied tight but once he removed it he started to die. It was a delayed action stabbing. It transpires that he was merely a test subject for the attempted murder at the wedding. The Mayfly Man was the man who attempted to kill Bainbridge. He was sleeping with women to get close to another potential victim. Through them he discovered that the victim would be at John and Mary's wedding.

Sherlock Holmes 13 August

Does anyone want to ask me how I worked it all out? And who the potential victim was?

Sherlock Holmes 13 August

Anyone?

Sherlock Holmes 13 August

John would ask me if he was here. He always asks me what's going on and how i worked it out.

Sherlock Holmes 13 August

Anyone?

Sherlock Holmes 13 August

i am interested but I am going out on a date

theimprobableone 13 August

ANYONE!?

Sherlock Holmes 13 August

Sweetheart, do you want me to come up and play Cluedo wuith you?

Mrs Hudson 13 August

If you must.

Sherlock Holmes 13 August

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